What You See

The thing that many people like about the various social media platforms is that you are able to create a version of yourself that other people can perceive as real. I’ll be completely honest: what you see me post on social media is only the happiest snippets of my life. In the moments that you get to view from my pictures online, what you really don’t know is that I am miserable.

Lately I have been feeling like I am not good enough for the people that I wish to keep in my life. Like somehow over the past 10+ years for some of them, they finally decided that they have had enough of me. It has caused me to spiral in ways that I haven’t before.

The funny thing is, you would never know any of this unless I explicitly told you. Why? Because I have painted the picture of bliss across my public socials so that no one really questions how I have been doing.That picture I posted of me and my roommates ice skating seems pretty happy, right? What you don’t know is that this morning I cried on the phone to my mom because I feel like I am losing one of my favorite people in my life. Not even 24 hours after I posted it. But will I make that clear to the general public? Hell no.

I am stressed, worn down, and all around having a miserable time. I cry myself to sleep often, am losing literal fistfulls of hair, and feel anxious as all get out 24/7. And no one knows a thing.

I keep it all hidden and inside because what is the point of bothering someone with your problems when you feel like it’s all in your head? I told my mom this morning that I feel like I am just being dramatic because of the way that I feel (as I am in literal tears). Isn’t that awful?

We live in an era where the way that people perceive us is looked at as more important than expressing how we genuinely feel. Where social media and this idea of a perfect and constantly happy life is normal. Here’s the truth: No one is happy 100% of the time. Life would not be the same if it weren’t for our ups and downs. Social media and the platforms that it creates can become toxic, and sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back from that and remember who you are and that you are human.

I think it’s time I finally start being honest about what is going on in my life again. Right now I am not in a good place. That is okay. One day I will be able to look back on all of this and remember that I pushed through it.

The way that we make our lives look on social media is oftentimes false. We are not perfect humans. No one is. Remember that.