All Because Life Didn’t End at 18

I remember the first time that I thought about my future. 

I was sitting in the theatre at the high school, play practice had just ended, and everyone was getting ready to go home. I was 12 - my birthday being a couple months ago, so it was pretty fresh. I remember sitting in the seat in the front row right corner that was nestled at the end of stage right… and I couldn’t see myself living past the age of 18. 

The idea of being as old as I am now was never something that I was fully able to comprehend. Seventh grade was the year that my depression had begun to amp up and I was doing things to hurt myself in ways that are unimaginable to cope with it all. I remember sitting in that chair and believing that I would die by the time I could legally be an adult.

But if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to see any of the following come to fruition:

If life would have ended before I was 18, I never would have seen myself graduate high school. This was the hallmark moment in my educational career - I knew that I was getting away from Kewaskum after that moment, and while there are things and people that I still love dearly there, I am no longer tethered to my hometown in the same way I used to be. Going home feels like returning to a park where the swings are all too small to fit me now. But it’s still nice to visit. 

I would have never received my collegiate acceptances. Thinking about all of the ways I wanted to build a future that I was still unsure about… I am a planner at my core, and you damn well better believe that I made sure there was a plan in place just in case I was still alive. If I didn’t keep living, I would’ve never been able to celebrate my acceptances into college. 

Speaking of college, I never would have met the people I now get to call some of my closest friends. I never would have been able to see each of their wins, comfort them in their losses, or celebrate the biggest moments in their lives. Many of them have gotten married (some to each other) and I have been able to bear witness to it all. It’s a reminder that there is beauty in the mundane. 

I never would have found my passion. Student affairs is not an easy job. But should I have never joined the A-Team, I never would have known that I am meant to work in that field. I never would have applied to grad school, I never would have moved out of Wisconsin, and I surely would never have had the opportunity to be doing what I love with some amazing students now. 

If I wouldn’t have lived to see life past my 18th birthday, I would never have been able to say that I am a two-time first-generation college graduate. I would never have walked across the stages in the Kress Event Center at UWGB or Worthen Arena at BSU. I would never have gotten my awards or my various pins. I never would have presented at NASPA with Jordan, or gone to South Carolina with Rachelle and SVS to build a home…

But life didn’t end when I was 18. I kept living. 

I am now 26, living in a state that I never thought I would be living in. I work in student success and teach at a small university in a small town. I have the most amazing students that I spend my days with, and I am genuinely working on being happy again. Not everyday is the best day - it would be pretty strange if it was - but I am living the life that I never dreamed was possible. 

I am making waves in ways I never dreamed possible… All because life didn’t end when I was 18. Each year I have lived beyond that has been a bonus and I don’t think that I want to take that for granted anymore. 

I think it’s time I actually lived - for 12 year-old me who never thought it was possible.