The Year

It was the year of short hair and not caring.

As the academic year is speeding by, I thought it best to reflect on some changes that have happened over the course of my four years at Green Bay. Each year there was something that was noticeably different about myself that I kept a secret until the time came to finally speak on it and see if others noticed it too.

The year of turtlenecks and chipped nail polish.

Freshman year I was coming into my own. Figuring out who I wanted to be and why I wanted to be her. There was never a day that I didn’t wake up questioning my intentions for that particular sunrise-to-sunset. I think that this was the year that I was most confident in how I looked, as well. This was the year of taking selfies and adventures with some people that I unfortunately (or fortunately) don’t call friends anymore. This year set me up for the rest.

The year of mistakes

Then there was year two. This is when I started to realize that I should count how long I have been here in numbers instead of words, and began to focus on the words that I was speaking into the universe. Blog posts were at an all time high and I felt like I was being authentic in the person that I presented myself as.. For the most part. This was the year of COVID and the year that I got to spend the majority of it with three individuals (dogs count as individuals too.. right?) that made me feel safe and at home in a place that was not my usual playground.

The year of endless phone calls home

Year three came and went like a flash. There was so much that I knew I needed to complete, but still felt like I couldn’t. Piano, my recital - which I ended up moving, realizing that I won’t be graduating come the year to follow.. The year of heartbreak and testing my limits. This was a tough one. But it was also the year of healing my relationship with my mother and deciding to try and let go of some of the things that held me from that. It was the year of new medications and new medical discoveries. It was the year that I began to wonder what would happen if…

The year of hating my life and loving it all at the same time.

Then there was this year. Year four has done much of the same as year three in the way that it went just as fast as it came. The year of short hair and not caring. The year of turtlenecks and chipped nail polish. The year of endless phone calls home. It was the year of hating my life and loving it all at the same time. This was the year that I decided I was going to just let go. Ironically, it was the hardest one for me mentally. There were days that I spent alone, locked in my room wanting to end it all, and there were days I couldn’t have been happier. It was the year of making mistakes, fixing them, and moving on. The year of rejection. The year of experiencing things that I have never had the chance to before. It is the year of saying goodbye to some of my favorite people as I watch them walk the stage come May. The year that I get to see them accomplish amazing things for themselves. And finally, the year that I realized that we are only on this Earth for a short period of time, so who really cares?

This year has been one for the records, and it isn’t even over yet. I get to experience two more months of tears, laughter, the same roommates as the year before, and all the amazing moments between now and then.

This year has been the year… how do we go up from here?