The Things That Are Never Talked About

When we are kids, there are many things that we are told not to say. From vulgar language, to that we hate our siblings. We were always told to tell the truth, and if we didn’t, we would ultimately get punished because our parents had a weird sixth sense for that sort of thing.

So tell me, why do we lie so much as adults?

We hold things in until we explode, promise that we are fine, and then lose it when we least expect it. When did it become okay to hurt ourselves like this? Not only are we lying to the people we care about (your parents would be ashamed) but we are lying to ourselves.

Let’s address the elephant in the room - we, as a generation, have HORRIBLE coping skills. We push our feelings aside hoping they evaporate like the tears off of our pillows, thinking things will get better by never talking about them. News flash: they don’t.

Mental health has been a very big focus for me as of late, and let me tell you.. I’ve been doing so much better now that I can recognize something that acts as a trigger for me. It’s amazing. But the first step to things like this, is being honest.

Be honest with yourself. Have you been feeling way more down than usual? Does it sometimes feel like you’re drowning and can’t swim to save yourself? How are your mood swings? Have you been distancing yourself from the people you care about because you’re worried they’ll see the real you? How you’re hurting?

Why are you lying?

The things that are never talked about.. There’s a stigma that surrounds them. I have come to accept that I deal with many on a daily basis. I’m doing better than I have in years. I’m talking about what’s going on in my life, how it’s affecting me, and what I can do to combat it.

I’m more open about how I’m feeling. When someone asks me, I answer honestly. There is no longer a reason for me to hide these things. I’m only human, I can only handle so much by myself.

The things wrong with me, they aren’t romantic. I don’t stay up at night fantasizing about the person who is going to come into my life and make everything okay again. I stay up at night because I’m nauseous after talking myself down from an anxiety attack. I stay up at night making a list of all the things that make me happy in an effort to make tomorrow better than the shit show that was today.

The things wrong with me aren’t soft like pillows. Sometimes they can be painful. Like knives stabbing into my stomach. Sometimes they are me shaking in the backseat of a car, terrified to open my eyes. They work hard to make things difficult, but I work harder to beat them.

The things wrong with me aren’t beautiful. I don’t create art for my mental illnesses, I create it in spite of them. They force me to see the beauty in everything because if I didn’t everything would be dull. No one wants to live their lives in black and white when they could live them in screaming color.

There are so many things that my illnesses aren’t, but that doesn’t stop me from being open about them because there is one thing that they for sure are - part of me.

It’s time we stop lying and start talking about the things that are never to be talked about. It’s time we pay attention to mental health and the good that can come from addressing it. We are supposed to love, and hurt, and break, and heal. That’s the point. It tells us we’re alive.

Let’s talk about it.

A moment of pure joy captured by Kylie. Complete with salty ocean hair and squinty eyes. I was happy.