So, What Are You Doing Now?

It has been a little over three years since I decided to take the leap and begin putting my writings on the internet for anyone and everyone to see.. It has been three years since I was holed up in my room crying because I wasn’t sure what I was doing with my life or where I was going. It has been three years.. And what a journey this has really been.

In those three years since beginning this journey, so much has happened. I have lost and found some of the most amazing people in my life that I now not only get to call my friends, but some of them, co-workers. I have fought the urge to change my major a million times and am still not 100% sure that this is what I want to do anymore. I have battled some of the hardest battles yet with my depression and suicidal thoughts. I got the job that I have been wanting since I was a freshman at GB and can’t wait for another year of not only getting the opportunity to do it, but experience what it’s like to help the new-hires.

While these past couple of years have been an absolute shit-show, I have made leaps and bounds when it comes to the things that I have accomplished and the failures that I have experienced and learned from.

I know that these are the posts that are always the most boring, but they are necessary for me to remember that even when it doesn’t feel like it, there HAS been progress in all the chaos that is my life. I, of course, have been doing my best to stay on top of these posts and getting them out at a rate that I deem fit for whatever it is that I am talking about at the time.

With all that being said, I think that the thing that I am still struggling with is finding that time to take care of myself and my needs. I put so much time into the things that I see being more important at the given moment, and neglect the thing that matters arguably the most, me.

I know that New Year’s resolutions are corny and no one really sticks to them, but I am going to make it my goal this year to focus on bettering not only my physical health, but my mental health. I will be doing the things that bring me joy as well as some things that may not bring me joy at the time, though ultimately will lead to it.

I am going to put myself out there and seek all the great things I know are waiting for me. I am going to actually go for the things that I think I deserve and learn to live with the fact that not all things are meant for me… though you never know until you try.

As for the question of “what am I doing now?”

Right now I am learning to love myself again and the life that I was given as well as the one I am creating. I am learning to love the bits and pieces of bad mixed in with the heaps of good. I am learning that not everything plays out in our favor, and even those moments are worth celebrating because it means that it worked out for someone, somewhere.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am learning to live in the moment and focus on me. We’ll see how that goes in the coming months.. But for now it sounds pretty damn good.