So Long

You will never be prepared for the moment you realize that you are becoming the “long distance friend” and don’t get to experience everything with the people you love anymore. 

Change is inevitable. We have to go through a series of changes in order to become our best selves and finally reach the point in our lives where we are satisfied. I never thought that I was going to be the person who stays in my hometown forever. I never thought that I was going to be the one that returned after college and still felt at home walking the streets I used to leave tire marks on from my bike. And yet, I am struggling with the fact that I now live in a different time zone from the people who knew me better than I knew myself. 

During my time in Indiana, I swore up and down that I was going to make it back to Wisconsin. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be close to those that meant the most to me so that I could still find the time to make a quick trip down the Lake Michigan coast and visit those that I cared about. Convinced I would return to Green Bay after spending my year in Muncie, imagine my surprise when Michigan called me home. 

This is not going to be a rant about how much I hate Michigan because the truth is: I don’t. The state is beautiful, I can access Lake Michigan on the weekends and pretend I am at the bay watching the sunset like I did in college, and I have made some connections with people who are bringing light into my life again. But I can’t help this feeling in my chest. 

It’s hard. Being away from the places, the people, and the things that I used to love so much. Watching my best friend’s lives unfold through pictures that they post on the internet and FaceTime calls that are made far too infrequently. Seeing them celebrate big moments through a screen instead of living in the moments with them. Every engagement, grad school announcement, graduation, promotion, and award. 

Sneaking 5 minute phone calls on our lunches at various times in the day because we are too busy. Feeling love stretch across time zones just to reach the people it is aimed at. Feeling scared that something is going to happen to my family and I won’t be around in time for it to make a difference. It’s isolating. 

I remember talking about wanting to go on all of these adventures growing up and how I begged God to get me out of the rut that I was stuck in. How I prayed to escape the town that I was living in and finally feel like myself. Little did I know that I would look forward to the less-than 24 hours spent there every 6 months (if I’m lucky). I never thought that I would have to take on this adventure alone. 

Hundreds of miles away and still wanting to be just as involved in the lives of loved ones as ever. 

So long, the distance between us. So short, the amount of time we have together without realizing it. So happy, for all the good that is happening in your lives. So sad, for missing out on it all.