Never Dull Your Spark

There are many things in life that I have done and regret. One of the biggest things I regret doing is dulling my spark just because other people believed it was too bright.

Trying to please others is something that I used to take pride in. I never knew how to say no, and always worked to do what everyone else expected me to do, not what I wanted to do. Going into college, I told myself that things were going to be different because I wouldn’t have the time to even consider what the other people in my life thought. I was wrong.

I’ve been working hard on the not pleasing others thing. It’s hard. Something that I have learned through this all is that everything is about balance. Try telling a perfectionist that it is going to be okay when something is wrong, it doesn’t work.

I recently have become interested in something called enneagram types. I’m a type three - The Achiever. It makes sense to me when I think about it.

People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competitive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals. They are often "self-made" and usually find some area in which they can excel and thus find the external approbation which they so desperately need.

Threes are socially competent, often extroverted, and sometimes charismatic. They know how to present themselves, are self-confident, practical, and driven. Threes have a lot of energy and often seem to embody a kind of zest for life that others find contagious. They are good networkers who know how to rise through the ranks. But, while Threes do tend to succeed in whatever realm they focus their energies, they are often secretly afraid of being or becoming "losers."

I have a sub-type of 2 which again, makes sense. The twos are the mother figure. Caring, nurturing. They want to help everyone.

Twos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about their personal relationships, devote an enormous amount of energy to them, and who expect to be appreciated for their efforts. They are practical people who thrive in the helping professions and who know how to make a home comfortable and inviting.

Helping others makes Twos feel good about themselves; being needed makes them feel important; being selfless, makes Twos feel virtuous. Much of a Two's self-image revolves around these issues, and any threat to that self-image is scarcely tolerated. Twos are thoroughly convinced of their selflessness, and it is true that they are frequently genuinely helpful and concerned about others. It is equally true, however, that Twos require appreciation; they need to be needed. Their love is not entirely without ulterior motive.

The combination of these two types makes me a lot to handle. I know this, and have known this for quite some time now. But it shouldn’t matter if others think that I’m a lot to handle. It’s important to understand and figure out the person that I want to be, and I’m slowly learning who that it. I think a lot of who I am stems from how I was raised. My mom was presumably a type two and I did everything in my life to try and make her proud of me, making my link to my types.

It hasn’t stopped. My spark is still very much there and even brighter than it was before. I’m proud as hell of myself for creating this life for myself and working to get to where I am. I still struggle a ton with who I am and what I want to do, but I’m here and I’m figuring it out little by little.. Not to mention the fact that I found people whose sparks only make mine stronger.

The point is: no matter how ‘much’ you are to people, never dull your spark for anyone else.

They may be great, but they are not the sun, you are.