Irreplaceable You

There comes a time in all of our lives when we start to feel like the people we love are replacing us with other people that they love. This is a completely normal feeling. You see, sometimes the people in our lives aren’t meant to be there forever. Sometimes these people are meant to be in our lives to teach us how to love someone unconditionally.

I’ll be the one to say it: I was never anyone’s first choice. I was never the person that people desperately wanted to be friends with. I have had to work so hard all the time to make and maintain the friendships that I have gained through my time being alive. And while I have grown to accept the fact that this is probably how it will be for the rest of my life, it sucks.

Being the person to always put forth the effort and constantly work to keep friendships afloat isn’t something that should be a regular thing in someone’s life. There has to be give and take. While I have some amazing people in my life, I don’t know if a lot of them would be here if I hadn’t taken as much time to nurture a friendship with them.

I am far from the type of person who can go a long time without talking to someone and still be able to call them a close friend (save for a few friendships that are special). I have severe anxiety and believe that if we don’t talk, it is because you grew tired of me. I know, I know, I know… that isn’t true for 99.9% of people. But it’s how it feels that matters.

It can be isolating. The feeling like you are never someone’s person when they are yours. It’s hard to imagine your life without them, but they can easily make you a background character in their life. So you begin to do what any sane person would, you push them away, too. You don’t want to go through the pain of having no choice, so you made the choice for them and now you are left alone.

I have cried many a tear for the lost friendships that I thought were going to be strong enough to last forever. For the college friend who I thought was my twin flame. For my middle school best friend and all the memories we shared. For the friends that moved away without saying goodbye. They all hurt for different reasons, but they all left some sort of hole in my heart.

The thing is, you aren’t as replaceable as you feel. I’m not as replaceable as I feel. We are forces of nature that beg to be freed and maybe, just maybe, that is the reason that we can’t seem to find our people. Everyone deserves to feel wanted, to feel loved. But each person has a different way of showing that love. Remember that when you feel yourself being pushed away and think of all the good.

Saying goodbye to the people that you felt were going to be in your life and see all the major things happen can feel like the end of the world.. It isn’t. It is part of growing up and figuring out who you are as a person and who you want to be. Sometimes the people that we love most, love us just as much and that is why they choose to let go.. They know that they have done what they needed to do and it is time to move on to other people. We know that they were a wonderful pit stop on our road trip of life. Worth every second spent there.

It may not feel like it sometimes, but you are irreplaceable. Never forget that.