In Writing

Something that has been asked of me over and over again is ‘why do you write the way that you do?’ and I have never really been able to answer it properly. If there is one thing I have learned about my writing it’s that it will inevitably lead me to some dark places in my mind. This is because you cannot authentically write something that you have not experienced yourself.

You see, I have put a lot of thought into the things that I write and time into making sure that this is something I want to put out for public consumption. There are many a writings that I have not published and likely will not because they are deemed ‘too vulnerable’ or something that is hard to swallow. But that’s the thing - I want to write what is real. I want to dive into the feelings of inadequacy, hatred, joy, and love. Yes, I have writings about love.. And I actually enjoy them quite a bit, but they are not authentic because that is not something that I have technically lived through at this moment in time. I may think that I have, but have I really?

I write for the people who are going through something similar to I that don’t have a strong enough voice at this moment in time to speak their mind. I write for those that are too afraid to speak the things that are unspeakable and for those that are begging to be heard by someone.. Even if they can only muster a whisper.

For as long as I can remember, I made it my goal to inspire people. I wanted to be the person that I needed growing up and I want to be the person that I still need now. I want to take these words and fashion together an array of broken glass that may just pass for something beautiful in the midst of pure chaos that surrounds it. I want to be the person that people can trust because I am so open about the things that I am going through and the life I am living. Mistakes included.

So when you see me write a deeply personal post, it isn’t because I am looking for the pity of the masses. I write it because I know that there is someone on my friends list that needs to hear it. Maybe they don’t need to hear it at the time of posting, but at some point they can come back and feel heard.

I was never validated. I was never made to feel like there was someone who actually understood the things that I was struggling with and the things that I continue to struggle with. I was rarely told the things that make you feel like you are doing something right. The ‘I’m proud of you’ and the ‘wow, I am so impressed’ comments were few and far between. And no one is to blame for that, but I never felt seen.

So I write for those that are stuck in the shadows. I write for the background kids who dream of being in the front, of being heard. I write for those that experience life in ways that others wouldn’t wish on someone. I write for my sanity and to let out the things that are always floating in my mind… It really is never-ending.

“You were meant to use you gift with words to bring a voice to the suffering.”

Yeah, I was.