I Used to Write Poetry

When I was in high school I fell in love. Not with a person, but with a means of expression. There were countless days that I remember scribbling down random sentences in my notes thinking that they would mean something to me when I went back to read them. They never did. I found that I was always worried about someone reading them thinking that I was crazy when the truth is, maybe I was. 

I used to write poetry. A lot. In fact, I have a 30 page document of all the writings that I did throughout high school. The trials and tribulations of being a teenager, the sorrows of losing someone you love, and the trauma that I would never want to go through again. Some are good.. some not so good.. but they all tell a story, my story. There are poems in that document that will never see the light of day and others that are published. It’s all a matter of the subject. But what they all have in common is simple: Me. 

I found solace in the formatting of free verse. In pretending I was on stage for Button Poetry reading it to the audience in the most dramatic ways possible. In believing that letting everything out on paper was better than holding it in until I exploded. I was right. This is why I still write today, just in a different way.

Writing poetry made me feel seen. I would share it with only the most trusted people, and they would assure me that there was still hope. For years I wanted to be a writer. Looking back, that was a bad idea. I mean, look at my comma placements (or lack thereof). But the thought of being someone who inspires others to keep going is exactly what kept me going. I hope that I can still do the same thing in the career that I am pursuing the way that some educators did for me. 

I no longer write poetry to express the things that I am going through. There is much more to be said and felt than what I can say in free verse. I find that keeping up with who I was in high school is something I no longer want to do. I’m not the same person I was back then, and I don’t want to be. Growing and changing, becoming someone I want to be.. it’s all a part of the process. I don’t visit the document anymore. I haven’t in a very long time. That’s okay, too.

I used to write poetry believing that it could save me. As it turns out, I don’t need any saving.