Flowers in the Attic

Much like the crawl spaces that we all have in our homes, the mind can be a dark place. Sometimes it can become so overwhelming that we start to self-destruct… For me, that means crawling into the darkest corner and avoiding communicating about my feelings. Isolation is my way to go about handling myself when outside factors start to weigh heavy on my mind and heart. 

Lately everyone that I see on a daily basis has been reminding me that I am pretty alone right now. I moved hundreds of miles away to pursue a career in the field that I have my degree in, and left all sense of familiarity behind. Friends, family, security… all gone and I am alone. 

While I have people that have come into my life as of late that are making this process a bit easier, I won’t lie and say that it has been easy. There have been nights that I spent crying in my bed or sitting in silence just staring at the wall trying to process everything that I am feeling. I think that the issue that I am actually having is that I cannot fully comprehend what is happening in my brain to process the emotions and move on from them. 

Flowers in the attic. That is what it feels like sometimes. It feels like there are things that are happening in this space that’s meant to hold the memories, process information, and get me through the day that just don’t make sense. Why are there flowers growing in a dark and damp space when they need sunlight?

During 2020, when the world seemed to be ending, someone very wise talked to me about learning to grow where we are planted. I didn’t quite understand where she was coming at the time, but I think I am beginning to now. 

You see, there are many of us in the world that have had to endure far more in our short lives than we should have. We are the flowers that grew in the attic. The ones that, despite all odds being against us, bloomed. We are the ones that learned to grow where we were planted, even when the conditions were doing their damnedest to kill us in the end. 

What I have learned about being a flower in the attic is that I may be one of the most unique, most special flowers that someone can find because of the things that I have gone through to get me to the point that I am at right now. Are the conditions I am in currently the best? Not by a long shot. Am I still learning to grow through the process? I think so. 

Flowers do not belong in the attic. People don’t deserve to be convinced that they are a burden for feeling like they do. And while the conditions may be sketchy at the present moment and it may feel like all the odds are stacked against you: persist. 

Flowers may not belong in the attic, but you belong on this Earth.