Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder

Lately I have been feeling a little less myself. I haven’t been putting in the effort when it comes to the things I wear, the way I do my hair, or even my makeup. I feel as though I have these momentary lapses in the way that I see myself a ton during the summer months. It may be because I am forced to look at the way I actually look without hiding behind the baggy clothes of winter. Or it could be because I actually have time to think about things without feeling guilty about avoiding homework or practice.

You see, I am the type of person who can have moments of both ‘I absolutely loathe the way that I look.’ and ‘wow, this is really what I look like?’ (in the best way possible), and both are very valid.

I have never had much of a style growing up. We grew up with little money and it was hard to experiment with the styles that I liked without having money.. Not to mention the fact that I was and am fat.

Ah, the ‘F’ word. Something that so many are scared to say, yet there it is. The fact of the matter is that I am fat. That’s it. There is no ‘but’ hidden in that statement and there likely never will be. Why does such a neutral word hold so much gravity. Why is it that someone can spit this word at me as an insult and I can feel so brought down because of it? The truth is that I am fat.. So what?

The thing that people don’t realize is that I may be fat, yet that isn’t the only thing that defines me. I am so much more than the label that used to strike fear into my heart when I thought about it. (it still does sometimes)

I am the type of person who can’t ride certain rides at the fair, who has to squish into an airplane seat and pray that the person next to me doesn’t complain because they are stuck next to me. I am the type of person who believed that I couldn’t and shouldn’t wear a swimsuit or certain clothing items because of my stomach and thighs. I was petrified of having short hair because I have such a round face. I believed that I was less worthy of love simply because of the way that I look.

Of course I now know that most of these are not true. I wear a swimsuit because I want to go swimming. I wear things that make me feel happy to be in the skin I’m in. I experiment with different styles- both with my clothes and with my hair. And speaking of hair, it’s short now.. Very short. But most importantly, I am slowly learning that beauty is ultimately in the eye of the beholder.

Not everyone that you meet is going to like you. Not everyone that you meet is going to think that you are beautiful. The thing that matters most is if you do. Do YOU love yourself the way that you want others to? Do YOU think that you are beautiful?

Not every moment of every single day is going to be perfect. You will have moments of doubt and self-loathing because that is something that is deemed ‘normal’ by the society that we live in and we grew up on it. Don't let it engulf you or break your spirit.

Beauty has and always will be in the eye of the beholder. Behold: you are beautiful.. Even when you feel like you aren’t.