Are You Okay?

Have you called your mom?

Something there is a huge lack of right now is people checking in with themselves. While it is still important to have people to lean on, you should also check in with yourself. Other people have no stake in you being okay. You do. I often find myself calling my mom and just talking with her when things get rough.. It makes it easier for me to process my emotions sometimes. I do this so frequently that when I go days without it, she begins to worry more.

Are you sleeping in late or even sleeping at all?

When things start to get hard, I push people away in an effort to isolate myself. My love language is quality time; my method of self destruction is isolation.. Kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? This can mean that I take the time that would be spent with someone important in my life is spent sleeping in my room. The dark becomes home. A mirror of the dark times that I am working through in my head.

Is your smile real in the pictures you take?

I have to force myself to do the little things when my world is falling apart. There is little that doesn’t feel like the most grueling task in the world. Between brushing my teeth, doing laundry, and even showering.. You name it, and I bet there was a time when I thought it was the biggest chore in the universe. There are pictures scattered on my profiles where the smile that I am wearing is far from the true feelings that I have.

Are you feeling peace at the end of the day?

There was a moment in time when the questions that have been strewn through my writing would bother me. Now they have become little moments to check in with myself. I have quickly learned that it is not up to anyone to check in on you. As a 22 year old individual (holy shit, I’m 22..) there is no one that needs to anymore. You have grown, likely moved out of your parent's place, are in school - or not - and are perfectly capable of keeping tabs on yourself. But no matter how hard life gets, you have people that care about you. Never forget that, either.

Is ‘I’m fine’ just something that you say?

I go through these times of thinking that I am fine when really I am far from it. My feet begin to drag and things start to feel heavy again. It may be slow, but it eventually builds until there is a mountain on my back of reasons why I shouldn’t do things. I recently went through a week and a half of not going to my classes and showing up to work late.. For those that really know me, you know that this is not something that I would normally do. I take pride in being punctual and my education very seriously.. It comes and goes in waves.