An Open Letter to Myself

Hey,

I know that you haven’t been doing as well as you thought you would be at this point. I’m writing to you in hopes that you remember why you’re still here and all of the amazing things that come with that fact. So here goes.

You have the best friends in the entire world. You can rest your impossibly heavy head and heart on them without even questioning it. When you do question it, they make it a point to tell you that you are being ridiculous and that is what friends are for. They send you puppy videos when you feel like the world is crumbling and they call you out of the blue just to remind you that you are loved. They aren’t just your friends anymore, they’re your family.

You go to an insanely beautiful school that is surrounded by the bay. Endless forest and trails that all lead back to each other. You can look out from the top of the library and see the city at the edge of the bay, and for a moment, you feel at ease. Take in the surroundings and remember how truly small we are in this world.

You are beginning to do what you love again. While it is increasingly difficult given your recent state, you are getting back into the swing of who you were before everything hit you at once. You are writing again, singing for the sake of being able to, dancing in the elevators, and going on endless adventures with the people you love.

You are still trying. While it may seem like things are hard now, you have lived through so much worse and you came out on top. You can do it again.

You’re taking the steps you need to in order to get better. I know that even that can seem like it takes more energy than it’s worth, but you are worth more than gold. It’s time you start treating yourself the same way that you constantly treat other people. Be gentle when you need to be, but remember that not everything is worth stressing and crying over. Don’t forget that being more open about what’s going on and how you are feeling is just as important as writing about it. Talk to people. They might have some damn good advice and maybe want to talk just as much as you do.

YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR BAD DAYS. Say that over and over again until you believe it. It’s hard, it will only get harder. But you, you are only going to get stronger.

I know it feels like the days never end and you’re constantly waiting until the next weekend to breathe. I know that you are fighting like hell to keep pushing through all of the shit that you need to in order to do your work. I know that sometimes that work is too much for you, and you need to take the night and just relax. Don’t worry about it. You have time, you will be fine. Do whatever you need to and don’t feel bad about it. You are more than your grades and your well-being needs to come before them.

Remember the reason that you are still here: you want to be. You have been working so hard to create this life for yourself and if you give up now, you’ll never reach the closing remarks.. Don’t you want to see how it ends? I know I do.

There are boundless reasons that you are still around and one of them is that you really, truly want to be.

Keep pushing, kid. I’m rooting for you.. In this round, and always.